MeiYou Mayo

2 weeks ago we discovered a shopping mall in Beijing that was almost a completely Western experience. When dinner time rolled around we decided to eat at the Sizzler. I ordered the Malibu chicken sandwich. It came without any sauce on it. Most of the waitstaff speaks pretty good English, but when I asked for mayonnaise, the answer I got was ting bu dong. (I don't understand)Not knowing the Chinese word for mayo, I did my best by asking for white sauce you put on the bread. Waitress number 1 brought me whipped butter. When I said this wasn't it and showed that I know the word for butter, she brought 2 more waitresses to listen to my white sauce on bread routine. Waitress number 2 returns with tartar sauce and 7 or so more members of the waitstaff to listen to me say this isn't it. While I'm calling someone to look up mayo, they finally get the manager whom we ask if they have mayo. He replies in perfect English, "yes, of course."

For those playing at home, the Chinese word is danhuangjiang. Literally, egg yolk sauce/paste.

The Night Wash

Several days ago, I was called in to work in the middle of the night for an IT emergency. Because of repaving work being done on the expressway, I had to take the side roads to and from the office. As I was coming back at 3 AM, I was astounded by the sheer number of people standing on the side of the road offering car washes. Who wakes up in the middle of the night and says, "Oh snap! I forgot to get my car washed today and it can't wait until tomorrow!?" Apparently enough people to make it profitable.


"Sorry, honey, tonight I'm working the night shift at the car wash. Which one? See the tree fifty meters down the road? Next to the guy that's washing cars right there, but before the woman that's 3 meters further down the road. Go get my shiny rag so I can flag the cars down as they drive by."

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

A friend sent me an email with a picture that reminded me of a web site I visited after reading about it in Entertainment Weekly. A web site devoted to Kitlers (Cats that look like Hitler)

China Beach

Over Labor Day weekend, we took the opportunity to drive 3 hours to go the beach at Beidaihe. It didn't matter that I was coming down with a cold; we were going. An hour into the drive, Luke threw up in the car. I'm still convinced it was the half chocolate, half peanut-butter-paste oreo he ate. We stayed at a supposedly semi-swank hotel in a suite with 6 single beds. This place was filthy. Even on college road trips, we wouldn't have stayed in a dump like this. To add to the ambiance, they had 3 ostriches inside a large netted-off area. These "birds" looked like something out of the Dark Crystal. At least a third of the feathers had fallen out and they had these enormous tags jutting out of their necks. They made me rethink eating turkey at Thanksgiving.

Despite the lack of Western food and some people's reluctance to eat Chinese food, the worst aspect of the trip was that we never escaped Beijing's cloud of pollution. (I'm probably as sick of writing about it as you are of reading about it - but you don't have to breathe it)First the sky was blocked, now the ocean. You can't see the horizon. Only about 200 yards or so out to sea. Bu hao!